The Friend Zone

After an intriguing conversation with a male friend of mine, I have put some thought into the concept of "Friend Zoning" someone. The Friend Zone is defined on Wiktionary (Urban Dictionary is actually blocked by BYU... Who knew?!) as "The situation in which one is viewed by a potential partner as a platonic friend, precluding the possibility of a romantic relationship." But when does one achieve the state of no longer being romantically interested in someone? Is it when they first meet them? When they say something considered by most humans to be "douchey"?

Well, I have determined that there is a point after meeting and hanging out with someone a few times, a point where they each individually decide where they want the relationship to go. Whether they want to pursue a romance or doom the unsuspecting victim to dwell in the desolate and depressing state of plutonic friendship forever... but wait is it really forever? Or can one really get out of the repulsive state of being friend zoned? That, my friends, is the debate at hand. Is it really possible to change the mind of someone who originally thought you were not worth pursuing?

Some say yes. They claim that if you take a break and step back from the situation, make them miss being with you ...you get reevaluated. But this is a dangerous plan. What happens is that a week later they will remember why you got friend zoned and you will once again be put on the black list for potential baby daddies.. never to be considered again. So yes, Friend Zoning is a reality. It is a harrowing fate for many that try pursuing members of the opposite sex.. deal with it. Or simply ask them on a date before they decide they can take you to buy nail polish and talk about periods while your in the room. Because trust me, once they start that... there's no going back, you're just one of the girls.

-Lady Lucy

Contamination .5: BYU Style (AKA Wedding Fever)

I've noticed something, something rather disturbing. Girls at BYU are far too obsessed with weddings. Not just their own weddings, but other people's.. including complete strangers. Why is this? Why does our strange society place such an importance on nuptials? I think every girl starts planning their wedding at age 5 and they never really stop. Take for instance my mother, she got a Pinterest for the sole purpose of planning her children's (and friend's children's) weddings. Why? I mean honestly every girl I know has every aspect of their "special day" planned out; from their dream ring (which usually costs as much as the standard suburban home) to the more realistic (and slightly disappointing) options, all the way down to their preferred wedding season and means of proposal. Don't get me wrong, it's good to be prepared.. but have we taken it too far? Has BYU brainwashed us into thinking we are not normal until we have found our eternal companion? Am I already a menace to society because I turn 19 tomorrow and have yet to have found my mate of choice? WHO STARTED THIS NONSENSE? In the real world we wouldn't even be thinking about marriage for the next five years but now we're forced to run around like some type of psychopath going on dates and scaring off potential suitors who are terrified of committing to all these girls who just want that ring on their finger regardless of who it's from.

Too harsh? perhaps.. but someone had to say it.

-Lady Lucy

COLLEGE: the truth of the matter

Wake up. Study. Class. Homework. Study. Eat (when time permits). Sleep. This is what my life has come to. It's like one of those optical illusion staircases that you can never get out of. I am in this perpetual state of being behind in all my classes, not having time to text people back, and failing miserably at being social. Please tell me how the majority of people I know have time for a social life? Honestly. What are they doing different than me? Last night I was up doing homework at 2 (as usual) and there were people outside PLAYING. Who do they think they are?! We are in college. College is not supposed to be fun. It is suppose to be school. You are suppose to be gaining knowledge, not laughing. If you are having fun, you aren't taking your collegiate duties seriously.

.....Who am I kidding, I envy those people more and more with every minute I spend on the useless busywork that all of these Generals demand. 

that's all for this rant.

-Lady Lucy

Thoughts That Are On My Mind

I need to buy the small cans of soda next time because I really cannot finish a normal sized can of soda.

Are Nordic countries the happiest because they grow up with low expectations of happiness for life because of their miserable, sunless winters? Perhaps their "happiness" is rather a lack of surprise at their misery. It's like the Song About An Anglerfish - "If I feel it all the time, can you really call it pain? You can't hate the night if you've lived your whole life without light and you can't hate the dish if you've only ever eaten fish and you can't feel alone if it's all you've ever known." I'm not sold on the whole Nordic-places-are-happy thing. I just think Nordic people just have the lowest expectations. Russia would be up there with the Nordic countries, but they figured out vodka.

Ain't no party like a Time Lord party because a Time Lord party is not bound by the conventional time-space parameters and thus doesn't stop.

Why aren't there more things that are parasites or symbiotic with humans? Mostly symbiotic, actually. It's a good gig. I mean, look at cows. Udderly useless and thriving because we think they're tasty.

Closing your eyes is really weird. You intentionally deprive yourself of the sense you rely on the most to know about your surroundings! Humans are weird. Also plugging your ears.

There's a kid in Belize who had my credit card number memorized for about ten minutes.

I'm pretty sure I've felt just as much patriotism for Mother Russia as I have for 'murica.

I wish I were a ginger Scottish Jewish Mormon who knew Mandarin.

Am I going to miss things like burping and farting when I'm dead or no?

I am so excited for the Hobbit.

In Soviet Russia, we watch Doctor Oh Yes, We Know Him.

Love,
Lady Disdain

The L-Word and Dogpiles

Guys, I got L-worded today.

I was joking around with The Gummy Bear. We were doing some reading for classes. I mentioned that I was worried about how I did on my test. He joked that I didn't have to get good grades since I could just get married. I told him (jokingly) that I hated him. He responded (not jokingly enough) with a "well I love you." I brushed it off, but The Gummy Bear recognized the awkwardness of what had happened. He tried to apologize, and I brushed him off with a "let me read my article!" Even after that, he started saying that he throws that word out a lot. I elbowed him and amiably told him to let me read my article, but I felt like:

But that reminds me of a conversation Lady Lucy and I were having last night. Here at BYU, and apparently in most of the world, a couple kisses before (frequently long before) they say the L-word. But that doesn't make sense to me. Perhaps it's just in my head, but I've always felt that the natural thing is to say the L-word before you kiss someone. I feel like I'm relatively quick to truly love someone, and I guess I'm relatively slow to kiss someone, but can I really be the only one who loves and then kisses? Doesn't it make more sense to be sure that you love each other before you kiss? Lady Lucy thinks I'm crazy. Maybe I am. :P

In other news, we had a fantastic night last night playing the keys game, in which you create the most entangled human dogpile possible until someone drops the keys and then scramble to the couch. My shoulders are sore from koala bear-ing people, and I'm surprised my abs don't hurt from all the laughing.

So... yup. This has been a post.

Love,
Lady Disdain

Commitment Phobia: dating an RM

After contemplating for the past few days whether or not I should in fact share this with all of you.. I decided: what the heck! ..maybe the woes of my romances with return missionaries will help your own relationship endeavors or perhaps just bring some form of enjoyment to you merely because you are not experiencing the same schizophrenic love life as me.. basically, just be happy that you are not me:

Well here we go, after round two of getting "dumped" by return missionaries, I have found there are some crucial things that determine whether or not the RM you are interested in is truly ready to be in a relationship... despite what he leads you to believe:

• Go on more than one date:
• Sounds simple right? Wrong. These boy are tricky. They think just because they ask you on a date that you will fall for them instantaneously.. don't get me wrong, sometimes that is the case.. but even if he does lure you in with his unwavering testimony, frequent temple trips, and all of those exotic tales from the lands of his foreign mission, don't let his RM magic fool you! Just because the frist date worked out doesn't necessarily mean your short romance was divinely orchestrated.
• Make sure he is fully adjusted to Post-Mission life:
• Yeah, yeah, yeah.. he says he's acclimated to the real world. He claims that he is completely normal and ready to start dating. But just to be sure, let's take a look at this key question:

Has he been home for more than 3 months?

• If the answer to this question is no, RUN. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. The title wave known as a committed relationship is going to drown this RM fast if he hasn't had time to figure out key survival skills that are essential for the post-mission life. Does this sneaky young lad know what being in a relationship means? Yes. Does he want to be in one? Well that truly depends on the guy... in my case no... TWICE. (But who's counting)

I know, you're asking yourself "So what? Why is she telling me this?" ...or maybe you just think I'm crazy -which may be the case.. and now that I think about it, makes my relationship issues far more understandable.. but regardless, take my advice and just don't date RMs. They plague the streets of Provo, lurring in unsuspecting sophomore girls, promising relationships filled with direction but leaving us dwelling in a perpetual state of confusion and regret.

-Lady Lucy

So Lady Adelaide just singed her nose hair when she was smelling our candle.

The Numbers of Saturday Morning

1 - How many of us are awake and at work

2 - How many of us are awake and studying (or writing this post) on the couch

3 - How many of us are still dead asleep

0 - The number of working kitchen sinks we have

40 - The temperature (Fahrenheit) in this apartment since someone left the cooler on high last night

116 - The number of flashcards I've gone through this morning

75 - The number of terms I have to learn from chapter 6 alone

3 - The number of blankets required to keep from shivering in here

52 - Hours until I take my first midterm

83 - Days until Christmas break (and also the Hobbit!!!)

3 - Cartons of ice cream we'll probably buy later today

7 - Pairs of underwear that were worn to class yesterday by our apartment

3 - Cups of apple cider I intend to drink today

6 - Hours I'll probably spend on campus studying today

-Lady Distain-

MEGA-BEDS, HOME BOYS AND WASHINGTON...

These three things, though insignificant and meaningless to some, have led us here. They have brought us to a place where we are forced to accept all the embarrassing, awkward and full blown inappropriate situations that come with living in Provo. We are no longer ashamed of our social blunders, in fact we welcome them, and therefore would like to share them.. with you. Yes, you! We realize that as you embark on this journey there may be feelings of unsurety with the occasional (perhaps frequent) spout of utter disgust.. not to mention the overwhelming haze of confusion and disbelief that may impede your ability to complete simple daily tasks in a normal, socially-acceptable fashion. But rather than simply repressing these scarring moments (like normal human beings), we have decided to post them. On the internet. For all to see. Yes, we know. You're welcome. So whether you (unfortunately) know what we are going though or just take pleasure in the pain and suffering of your average BYU Sophomores, we hope this blog will make you more satisfied than devouring a Chipotle burrito after 3 days of fasting..

What? I had to throw in a Mormon joke somewhere!

-Lady Lucy-